So I’ve realized that ever since I’ve joined the Marine Corps I’ve started to fail in a most epic manner at a whole bunch of shit. It’s a semi-good thing. Mostly only because it’s teaching me my own insignificance and how I’m not a perfect person. I feel more humbled and sincere. It sucks ass though because I hate failing and in the Marine Corps there is no such thing as privacy so everyone knows that I failed… I failed a test by the way. It sucked major ass… Anywho I hope to goodness that I will do well on my retest on Monday :)
The dawn is bright upon the horizon. The flaming sun blazes over the crest of the turning trees to greet the warming earth. Lying beneath the still warm covers I curl up to try and conserve the pleasant heat for as long as it will last. A cool breeze whirls through the open window and rattles through the crooked, scratched screen; the air smells of dew and crisp, reddened leaves. I smile as I inhale the tantalizing scents. The sun creeps in through my bedroom window. I can see the telltale red glow from behind my eyelids. Blinking away the last traces of drowsiness I stretch my back, give a growling yawn, and step up from the mattress that lies upon the grey carpeted floor. Reaching down I turn off the alarm before it has a chance to blast.
The water is soothing upon my aching shoulders; gently dripping through my hair it carries the scented shampoo down my back and around my legs, relaxing my still awakening mind. My throat thrums in the tendrils of misting vapors to a tune that only my brain can decipher. I grab the red towel from off of the rack as the mirror fogs over. On come the undergarments, the oversized black work pants, the undershirt, and finally the turquoise-blue blouse. Returning to my room I rummage through my totes to find some socks (they never match) and pull them on.
I grab a bowl and spoon from the cupboard, retrieve the milk from the fridge, and pour myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I walk out to the couch and sink into its cushions with my tasty breakfast. I balance the bowl while opening my laptop and set the computer on the cushion next to me so that my hands don’t spill the milk everywhere.
Facebook comes first, then AOL, and finally my bank account. In finishing my cereal I begin to wander: Tumblr, Twitter, Stumbleupon, Google, IMDB, etc… I sync the ipod with new music to get me through the day. Taking the bowl to the sink I strain out the remaining pieces of my breakfast and prepare to wash the accumulating dishes in the sink. The neighbors are readying themselves for school; the alley comes alive with cars and pets and children. I hear it all through the open window.
A new breeze rolls into the kitchen.
The rhinoceros rampages across the scalding desert! I stare in wonder as he charges through the shifting dunes and disappears beyond the horizon beneath the sun and the moon; for they have always been together since the beginning of time. The sun and the moon grace the sky together and leave the stars to penetrate the darkness of the night. Reaching out they dance across the azure sky and make the children below giggle with delight.
I ring out the washcloth and clean the spill that drips down the cabinets.
I smell the sand as a breeze rolls in.
My feet carry me swiftly across the savanna; eighteen years of childhood pass me by quicker than the speed of light. But something is wrong. The world shakes, the dunes move as waves upon the sea and the wild grasses crash and break upon my walls as they tumble down into a gulf of rock and bones and sand. The moon has left the sun behind and sped into the shadow of the night to join the stars in their sparkling splendor.
The sun, angry from its rejection, flames ever brighter in the thickening sky. Over time, the sun begins to grow a shadow that only I am able to see and I spend the rest of my days avoiding its moving mark upon the changed land.
There is some good that can come from this, the subtle yearning of the enticing darkness of night that I had sought for so long can finally be understood by my craving mind. The moon helps me to see my way through the stars and pools and his rays break beneath the leaves of the spindly trees. It is through him, the moon, that I have come to discover that deepest desire of my adventurous mind. I have tasted freedom and I will never go back! I continue my trek across the land but now with more purpose and sense of direction. I have found it!
Over the course of several weeks I have been tried and tried again. The ever-watchful crocodile was the first to strike, followed by the leopard, the wildebeest, and the cobra. I have been bitten, torn, scratched, clawed, and thrown about every which way, but I have endured it all and still I continue upon this path that I have chosen.
He is always there upon the edge of my piercing sight. Though it matters not how hard I try I cannot make out his shape, his look, or his smile. He is hidden from me as he has always been; that other human, the only other, that remains elusive even to this day. He dogs my path but does not completely follow me. I am ever in his sight though he be never in mine.
Upon the 111th month, I come across a pool of silver liquid in the midst of this tan and yellow world. This pool, cool and clean, is clear to the bottom. The hole in which it resides is perfectly round and smooth. There are images in the liquid, images of people, places, situations, things that I have all known. I look up at the hazy image of the human man resting some distance away under a large bush. He gives me the courtesy of pretending to be asleep. I look back to the pool as a drop is added to the silvery liquid. It takes me a moment before I can realize that the last drop came from myself. The trail that it left shines brightly in my reflection as the moon begins his ascent.
I hear a rustle behind me upon the path. Quickly turning about I knock an arrow and shoot the shadowed figure! It is nothing more than a lemur, wounded now and dying. She looks at me with saddened eyes that know too much for any mere animal. They hold much compassion and understanding though the sense of sternness and disappointment ring clear through her gaze. I am guilty. As I have so often been before.
The sun rises again in the east, hot and blazing and fiery as of late. There is a freshly built mound upon the earth with a small tuft of black and white fur protruding from its summit. My hands tremble as they bury the rest from the glaring sun. Standing, I place a single piece of blank film atop the tumulus. I wasn’t that hungry I guess.
There’s a gull in the distance! Rushing forth I climb across the dunes and race into the west until, finally, I can see the sea! Its greenish-blue hue calms my eyes after weeks of the same dirty yellow shades and the green of the new scenery and the plants brings joy to my weary limbs and dried up lungs. Small brooks litter along the coast, plunging down from the oasis near the sea and my parched lips are soothed. I smell a fresh wind coming in from off of the seawater and I revel in that fact.
There is a ship awaiting my arrival. The captain accepts my offer and I hand him my hair gladly, the curls tumbling over in his uncaring fingers. I will never return to this place the same again.
Turning my head for once last glance of the desolate and abandoned landscape I see him down the coast; the human man. He is getting into a small, one-man sailboat. He casts off his line as the captain heads away from the shoreline and the human follows us. Twilight comes across the sea and in one last glance I see his eyes. They smile at me. He turns his attention back to the mast and continues to follow. How long until I will meet him?
A breeze rolls over me from the land across the oceans.
I slip into my work shoes, grab my ipod, smock, and Star Wars lunch box and head out of the door. Work continues like no other, lunch is bland, and dinner is fine. After my day is done I change out of my work attire and pull on a pair of sweatpants, sports bra, fleece, and tennis shoes. I grab my keys off of the counter, yank a beanie over my head, and leap down the stairs. I take my loud, black car for a ride down the highway not too far from my quaint apartment and park it in a vacant lot next to a pond. I get out, stretch my limbs, and begin to jog down the gravel path. The tan colors stand out to me as the sun sets in the west. The coolness of the air reminds me that winter is coming. I’m sad that I will miss it.
Returning from my heart-racing trek, the moon gleams down upon my moistened head and, returning to my home, I see my ship in the distance of tomorrow. It glides across the edges of my thought and will forever carry me away.
It has been almost half a year since I’ve been on here. To sum up what has happened to me within those last few months let me elaborate:
1) Boot camp Nov. 7- Feb. 3
2) 2 weeks of leave to be home with my family and celebrate the three main holidays that I missed (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s)
3) One month of MCT to learn the trade of slaying bodies like a mo-fo.
4) And now I’m here at MOS school learning all sorts of useful and not-so-useful things about computers and networking and how to harness enemy signals.
There are several things that I have realized in these last few months about myself, the world around me, my family and friends, and what I want to do with my life in the future.
I would like to start off by addressing my family and friends. One can never truly appreciate those that they love until they have been separated from them for any length of time. I have sincerely missed my family and friends and even those people that I didn’t really care for but still managed to do things with. They’re all so carefree and happy and nobody really understands the LIBERTY that they have to be an American citizen. I have been beat, punched, slapped, kicked, grounded, and torn apart to the point where I almost envy my friends back home safe in college and only worrying about test scores. But then I remind myself that I have free college tuition now and that I am doing my part to save the world and protect those that I love. Even if I have to slay bodies to achieve this I know now that I won’t hesitate. I love my Mom, my Dad, Kalee, Colin, Jeff, and all of my friends that I left behind. I hope that they never join the military and that they all stay safe at home. It’s not that the military is a bad place to be… far from it! I just know that none of them could handle the stress and the disappointment of that which is the Marine Corps. I knew I could do it and by some godforsaken notion I knew that it was my duty to step in and take a waft. I hope that they all remain innocent and oblivious to all of the corruption that our world revolves around and that makes its consistency whole.
Secondly, I have realized many things about myself in these last few months as I chose a different kind of lifestyle. I know now that I am one of the most innocent females out there. In the words of others I, “ain’t a hoe!” Which I am quite pleased to announce. I made it through one of the toughest life experiences that this world has to offer and remained in one piece. Yes, I was broken and bent along the way. I was molded and hardened against fear and pain and intimidation and it all comes together to make me a better person… someone who can hold their own and pwn shit if the apocalypse ever comes about (hahahaha!!!). I know how to slay bodies, survive in various situations, lead others, and fend for myself in an every growing and changing world. I am amphibious and therefore I am adaptable as well. I hope to goodness that I will be able to prove myself worthy when the time comes.
Thirdly, I have come to realize the horror that this world is comprised of. Humans are despicable, slobby, disgusting, and terrible human beings. They litter without realizing it, have no self-drive, feed off of the torture and pain of others, and only care about themselves. Of course I am making a generalization about this but for the most part the world has only shown me this much. The average American doesn’t know how lucky their country is. America is the center of the universe to the rest of planet Earth and the only thing that half of its citizens care about is the next episode of Jersey Shore or Oprah. I am not blaming any generation, gender, income or other grouping that I can come up with. Everyone is to blame. The elderly feed off the young and the young feed off the elderly and each blames the other in making their sad life a piece of shit. The Marine Corps holds itself to a higher standard and by doing so lowers itself into a pit of disgust that is deeper than Tarterus. The males here only care about sex, money, and alcohol. Almost everyone either dips or smokes and only a handful of people have any real moral strength left. I sit here, beneath this tree, writing to you, as marines pressure newer devil-dogs into smoking, staying the night in their rooms, and generally engaging in other unsatisfactory behaviors. I am not saying that I despise everything that the younger mind is I just believe that it should not be put on such horrific display and on much a duller tone. The language that they use on basis is astounding and I find my tongue following the same dis-pleasurable discourse. All in all I just don’t like being a slut and I wish that females in the Marine Corps didn’t give us such a horrible name…
And finally about myself, I know now that I will only be staying in the Marine Corps for my allotted time which is about 5 years give or take. After doing so I hope to move around a lot, get a degree in either english or journalism or creative writing so that I can join an adventure magazine and travel while writing about the hobby that I wish I had more time for. I’m going to learn how to play the cello, guitar, and more piano. I’m going to own a kayak, live on either one of the Great Lakes or the seaside (so that I can utilize said kayak), I’m going to hone my body for the intense (like camping har har) sport of rock climbing. Someday I’ll conquer Mount Everest and K2. I’ll fall in love with someone who only cares for me, finally let myself go, and maybe even allow someone to get close to me… I’ll visit my family whenever I want to, help children in Africa, and do something to the productivity of space exploration. I will continue to be a hard ass nerd and geek out regularly.
On that note I end this post with a contented sigh for I have at last let loose some of the many thoughts on my mind. Expect my posts to be more frequent from now one (at least once a week) and for them to be on more epic and hilarious topics that this one was.
I wish you all a fair evening and hope to goodness that tomorrow is excellent!
Ben & Jerry’s has announced their newest flavor—the SNL-inspired Schweddy Balls (“Vanilla Ice Cream with a Hint of Rum and Loaded with Fudge Covered Rum and Malt Balls”). Here’s a list of flavors Schweddy Balls will one day join in the Flavor Graveyard:
Beyond Schweddy Balls: 10 Discontinued Ben & Jerry’s Flavors
"Vig used to call me ‘Elf boy’, and I’d call him ‘filthy human’. As an Elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood and sweat all over him. And he’d say to me, ‘Oh, go manicure your nails.’"